Tag: frustration

Just Wait a Minute

Chris De Man2 Comments

I’ve lived in Michigan my entire life. A common expression here is, “If you don’t like the weather now, just wait a minute.”

While the geography of my living has been primarily West Michigan, my spiritual and vocational excursions have brought a wider diversity. Growing up, I anticipated my trajectory to be rather predictable, if not a bit hum-drum. But early in my college years, I was unexpectedly detoured and from there the mystery has only deepened.

This is not to say that all of life’s surprises have been unkind. The joys outpace the disappointments; the laughter is louder than lament. Even so, the tensions of the day-to-day are stretching my soul with growing pains.

Sometimes that pain is tinged with bitterness and discontented yearnings for something different or more. Yet God, in His patient kindness, continues to reveal how I’ve misdirected my affections.

In his book, God’s Passionate Desire and Our Response, William A. Barry said, “Perhaps we cannot experience the fullness of resurrection as long as we harbor resentments about what life has dealt us.” (p.41) While I’m still tempted to lick the dregs from life’s broken cisterns, I know my most intense longing is to completely surrender myself to God, trusting in His specific provision for me.

Yet like Michigan’s weather, I am fickle and life’s circumstances are ever-changing. And while God is never-changing, He is also always good. His goodness is the antidote to my resentments. His providence is a salve for my fear. And His Spirit is with me, guiding and comforting and leading.

Not long ago, in a Spirit-led moment, my “weather” changed. It was quick and startling and wonderful, like a pop-up thunderstorm that cools the afternoon heat. In an instant, God oriented me toward an unseen path that led to a bounty of discovery, repentance, healing, and love. Over the past four years God has heard my questions, affirmed my desires, soothed my pain, and offered tastes of the resurrected life. I am deeply grateful.

Something that happened while walking this new path was that I became certified as a Spiritual Director. The circumstances surrounding that endeavor are packed with unexpected graces, one of which was that my wife was also led to be certified. Sharing this experience has helped us recognize God’s presence and accept His work in us – even as we more fully accept ourselves.
 
We welcome the opportunity to offer the ancient practice of spiritual direction to others who are curious about their experience with God. I invite you to read about us and our ministry here, and then join us as we humbly, honestly, and eagerly pursue a life of faithful obedience to Jesus.

Looking Back to Go Forward

Chris De ManLeave a comment

 

IMG_1399

With all that spring and summer has been in 2020, for my family it has also been a season of weddings. Two of my sons made a covenant with their ladies as we laughed, cried, celebrated, and briefly pushed aside most of our pandemic thoughts while masked and physically distanced.  

Those wedding ceremonies were the culmination of much planning and re-planning. They embodied a great deal of compromise as we released more than a few wedding-day dreams. We also found ourselves in deep conversation, refining our understanding of tradition, ceremony, and the real and representative aspects of community. Even so, there was silver in those clouds of disappointment. I can agree with James that there’s value in trial. (James 1:2-4) I can also affirm that each day has enough worry of its own! (Matthew 6:34)

Not bound to weddings, discouragement was a frequent house guest this past year. It touched our desires for education, occupation, and financial stability. It would be easy, and some might say justified, to indulge in some self-pity. Commiserate a bit because things have been tough for all of us. But I certainly don’t need encouragement to feel sorry for myself. That comes much too easily. 

So what are we to do in these present and seemingly unending moments of ambiguity and anxiety? When there’s much we cannot control and each day threatens with setback, cancellation, and redirection? 

I received some help with those questions in the week leading-up to wedding number two. During the quiet of mid-morning God interrupted my fretting, prompting me to replay our family story of the past year. Doing so required reliving cycles of deep discouragement rife with tears, questions, and desperate pleas. But in my review of the past I saw points of light amidst the valley’s shadows. Divine illuminations that revealed a next step. And then another. In our faithful plodding from point to point we encountered many unexpected graces. To be honest, at the time some of those felt less like graces and more like unmet expectation. But taken in panorama, my look-back revealed an intricate and unexplainable pattern of a loving Providence!

So in the unsettledness of today, I’m reminded to remember. To look back as I go forward. To embrace a long-sighted perspective, acknowledging that life’s journey is not a beeline path from one good thing to the next. There will be seasons of struggle. And in this moment, which is one moment among thousands in a grand narrative, I must seek the Spirit’s help to calm my soul. To reflect on God’s presence and care in my every breath. To know that my God sits with me in the pain, whispering gentle words of acceptance and love. After all, He’s never left me. And He’s already been where I’m headed. That is a great comfort!

Whether re-planned weddings, kids in school (or not), presidential elections, furloughed jobs, protests or masks this season is over-ripe with opportunities for the people of God to bring comfort to societal anxieties, frustrations, and uncertainty. As followers of Jesus we should be listening, empathizing, loving, giving, and caring for all people. It’s our call and privilege to be inconvenienced for the sake of another. (1 John 3:16) Let us be known for delivering hope, offering the peace of Jesus who said, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.” (John 14:27, ESV) 

Join me in sharing the peace and comfort of Jesus.

———————-
Perhaps this song from my favorite band will help quiet your spirit
and bring you peace:

Young Oceans – This Wild Earth
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uTSh1Amkwx0

It’s fine!

Chris De ManLeave a comment

“It’s fine.”

That phrase was added to our family lexicon this past year. It’s been used in various ways, from the casual, “How’s the soup?” (It’s fine) to “How’s the paper on Ancient Rome coming along? (It’s fine) to ending sibling squabbles with an emphatic, “It’s fine!”

Lately I’ve thought more about how often and easily I respond with, “It’s fine.” What do I mean when I say it and is it an accurate response? What I’ve discovered is my instinctual blurts of “It’s fine” are a subtle way to silence reality.

How?

Well, we all experience disappointment and frustration. Like when your cell phone slips into the crack between the car seat and center console. Or when faced with a more life-altering concern like a chronic health issue. At both extremes (and in between) I’m prone toward tamping-down my emotion and limiting conversation with a falsified, “It’s fine.”

But sometimes life is just plain awful, right? So an “it’s fine” dismissal is really a symptom of disconnection. A prideful distancing from my struggles. A clever avoidance while wanting control. To phrase it like my pastor, Mika Edmondson, I’m trapped in “the sin of stubborn self-reliance.”

Don’t worry about me. I’ve got this. It’s fine.

But it’s not.

When I trust only myself, I neither avoid struggle nor find happiness. Rather, my failed efforts to ignore or control breed cynicism, bitterness, and ingratitude. And that’s definitely not fine.

So what’s the medicine for stubborn self-reliance? Yes, trusting God. But more specifically, fully embracing God’s character. Again, from my pastor: “Some believe God is merciful, but not rich in mercy.” (Eph 2:4-5) Oh, that’s me! I know a lot about God, but do I live like I really believe it? Do I completely accept and embody the fullness of who He is? Not when my obstinate heart wrestles for independence. Or when I worry and fret and over-plan my life. Not when my happiness is contingent on circumstance. I can be a headstrong, self-reliant person. How about you?

Fortunately, we are not alone. We don’t need to manipulate, speculate, or fake our way through life. God is here. He sees and knows and cares. He faithfully brings situations that expose our helplessness and need for His rescue. God reigns over our joy and sorrow. He is trustworthy and wants to be trusted.

Together, let’s strive this day to submit to God’s good authority over us. When we do, we can respond with an honest, God-reliant declaration of, “It’s fine!”