I felt trapped. Separated from home by a landmark bridge and 500 miles, my studies at college were the loneliest of my life.
Buried in snow and differential equations, I had tapered. My existence seemed shunted, bound by the limit to which the frigid atmosphere of Michigan’s Upper Peninsula could carry my warbled pleas. I was singular, distanced from the familiar, the enjoyable, the comfortable. I felt unprotected and undefended. Monsters of despair bullied my self-talk and clawed at the empty space of me.
Still, in the dim of self pity I desperately tended a flickering hope. My spirit stretched toward Spirit as neediness found readiness in another. In a Man who knows rejection and isolation, for there was a time that He was lonely, too.
Lonely because of me. I’ve said ‘no’ to Him. Deserted Him. Ignored Him — over and over. You have, too. Even His Father distanced himself in this Man’s most desperate moment. Together, we have turned our collective back and willingly cast this Man aside.
Today we remember our rejection of Him. In my remembering, I want those college days near me. To feel fresh the pain and longing. To sit again in the desperation and frustration of wanting to be wanted. To be connected, known, and loved.
We are not trapped on a celestial orb, abandoned and alone, traversing in elliptical nothingness. We have been rescued from isolation. We need no longer be lonely. That is the “good” of this Friday.
Because of the Man, Jesus.
“He was despised and rejected by men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief; and as one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not.”
Isaiah 53:3, ESV
Thank you, Chris. Once again you have expressed what I was feeling but could not put into words. I was awake until 4:00 this morning, wrestling again with that old enemy, Loneliness. “To sit again in the desperation and frustration of wanting to be wanted. To be connected, known, and loved.” It was when I read your words that I realized these very hours were the beginning of Jesus’ deepest isolation and crushing abandonment. I had even been reading Isaiah 53, but had not made the connection. Again, I am reminded that it is in going through our dark places that we find freedom and grow in Christ-likeness. He understands our struggles, our pain.
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